The Sad Ending

Boohoo...My favorite month is coming to a close. The sun's energy is forcing more light on us pushing back the loveliness of the subdued winter evenings. I will miss wonderful dark January, the month I use as an excuse to myself for not doing more that is necessary. I aim to be like a dormant rose bush, alive underneath but not in bloom. Now I ask...did I loll enough, appreciating the quietude. That is not easy to do as the year rolls along and evening is lit by the late sun. But life being what it is, I will soon put January behind and move on enjoying the good things the other months bring. Soon I must rev up for the remaining of the year. I will be eager to bloom or at least show up a little bit more.

Medical Dilemmas

Being in the medical field has its rewards. There is generally work for anyone who wants it, the pay is decent and sometimes we get a warm fuzzy feeling from helping others. But sometimes I feel as if I, a nurse, am part of the problem, a pusher of sorts. In America today, we have preventive treatments, corrective procedures, testing for multiple possible physical complaints, take meds for all sorts of problems real or perceived, and listen to commercials that tell us what to order from the doctor. (Do you really want to trade your restless legs for an uncontrollable urge to gamble?) Just this week, I have talked to a young man who was hit with a severe and permanent neurological disorder as a result of a flu shot and a woman who is alive today in spite of suffering pulmonary emboli after an invasive medical procedure. Another woman had an incompetent cervix that caused her to have very premature babies because her mother had taken the drug DES during her pregnancy. A large percentage of visits to the ER are because of adverse reactions to medications or their not being taken properly. The severely depressed see overdosing on prescription medications as a way to suicide. Lortab and Xanax are prescribed and filled, and then sold on the street for five to ten bucks a pop. Oxycontin is mixed with tap water and shot up. Over the counter cough remedies are now not recommended for children under six after parents have been using them for years. We don't know if there will there be any identifiable long term effects from their use. Tests are given routinely with little discussion of the hidden dangers. We have become so dependent on and perhaps fascinated with medication and medical treatments that we tend to overlook the negatives almost as if we expect them. We may be too forgiving of the harms that ensue. I believe most of the practitioners of medical care have their hearts in the right places. I believe there is a place for medications and medical testing and treatment. But something is horribly askew.

My Cats

A Precarious Alliance

It is different every time I leave work. Even though my work is in a psychiatric hospital, my time there can go smoothly and is often pleasant and enjoyable. I can leave feeling satisfied that I did what I was supposed to do. Sometimes I will mainly have enjoyed the camaraderie with my co-workers. Other times I may be physically tired from being on my feet too long or my brain may remain hyped up for a few hours as if it still wants to perform in high gear. Sometimes I will feel disturbed over situations. This morning I have been processing a few of those situations. Confidentiality is a big deal in a psych facility and prevents me from being specific. You would think we deal with government secrets instead of hurt people, but I understand. Nobody wants their "dirty laundry" spread all around, and some individuals deal with shame. But suffice it to say, there were some difficulties this weekend. There is an interplay between staff and patients. It is called a brief therapeutic alliance or some such thing. Still patients can become out of control through memories of past experiences, psychotic thought processes or other mental distress. And sometimes staff people make mistakes in judgment. Three of the don'ts I have learned in the past twenty-some years are 1) don't put more into the therapy than the patient, 2) don't get into power struggles with a mentally ill person, and 3) don't provoke a redneck. The second two together can create an explosive environment.

Back to the Kitchen

One of the benefits of the sweet church we have been a part of for over a year is that it has brought me back to an old love - cooking. And baking. For the past twenty years, we were in churches that hired caterers for events and various dinners. Just my opinion, but I always thought the old custom of sharing of home cooking was missing in them. (Maybe it is because I grew up Baptist.) After all the children left and my family responsibilities changed, I felt relieved that I didn't have to be in the kitchen so much. I even fooled myself into thinking that I didn't care if I ever baked another cookie or put together another casserole, that I was tired of it, and that all my enthusiasm for cooking and baking had been solely out of necessity. But I realize now, it isn't so. When I have music playing, an apron on, am chopping, slicing, peeling, dicing, and aromas are mixing about in the warm kitchen air, I feel grounded. So if the church has a food need, I am more than happy to do it. I also feel as if I am making a small contribution to another family, a church family.