more notes

The past couple of workdays have had me spending time with two adolescent girls who have had some hard knocks during their life so far. Both of them said they have been made fun of in school, one for being poor and having to wear the same dirty clothes over and over. The other one, who is really quite beautiful, was teased because of her small stature and mixed heritage. They both struggle with relationships with their mothers, one of whom is physically abusive and the other being neglectful. Girls really need the acceptance and appreciation that only their own mother can give. An angry boy may come to us, and pretty soon we learn that he does not even know who his father is or else his father has rejected him. Life is hard at best, but we humans do better when those most important early relationships are present, ongoing, and hopefully healthy, and as a result our sense of self worth is able to develop.

As to the previous post

"Be at peace among yourselves. And we urge you brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the faint-hearted, help the weak, be patient with them all. See that no one repays evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone. Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Jesus Christ for you."

I Thessalonians 5: 13-18

happiness may be a choice

As I have mentioned, most people in a hospital such as mine are very depressed. Maybe my ears just perk up more when I hear the word, but depression is a widely publicized problem that is now treated commercially from a menu of multiple pharmaceuticals. It has been studied and categorized and is recognized as a potentially fatal but curable disease.

There's a good documentary ("happy") on Netflix about the opposite of depression, which is of course happiness. As it turns out, happiness has had its own scientific research. Now that we have the official results and not just opinion, I would like to point out the obvious. I might add that I took notes on the movie so I can perhaps turn it into a group topic in the future.

So, according to scientific studies, who is happy? Here are the answers:

People who don't seek their own happiness but who care about things that are greater than themselves.
People who recover from adversity, who keep close connections with the family and friends, who lift each others burdens, and perform acts of kindness.
People who have gratitude and cultivate compassion.
People who connect with the natural environment.
People who accept what has happened in their lives, as acceptance is a part of healing.
People who focus on intrinsic goals (personal growth, relationships, desire to help others) rather than extrinsic goals (money, image, status). Once our basic needs are met, money doesn't provide more happiness.

One of the happy men who was interviewed said this. "My life is a loan from God. I want to give it back with interest."

Interacting with nature and with other generations, getting physical exercise, counting our blessings, caring about and helping others, and having some variety in our lives can be ways of getting to happy. As we get there, our brain changes for the better. Happy people are more productive and live longer.

relationships can hurt

Over the past close to thirty years, I have had the privilege of delving into the lives of strangers and asking personal questions that, aside from the current situation they find themselves in, no one else would dare to ask. I still find it both fascinating and an honor. Primarily due to insurance companies running things, treatment in the twenty-first century requires that we gather information and start the help as quickly as possible. So early in the conversation when I am helping to identify stressors (last straws, precipitators) I often cut to the chase and give a clue that relationships seem to be the biggest stressors/problems to us humans. I don’t think I have ever had a patient say that there was not a difficult and painful relationship issue that preceded their extreme depression (or whatever). There is nothing more important to people than relationships, and of course the ones we love and put our hope in the most bring the greatest joys and the greatest sadness. Also however, would be the next level, peer groups, social friends, and even superficial acquaintances. We are all important to each other. Change or remove a relationship, and we can feel stranded, lonely, and sad, sometimes profoundly.

notes from work

Psychiatry is never dull, and usually my days are busy, like today. I did a few interviews, and in a nutshell, without divulging confidentiality, here is a rundown. One was a woman who had a delusion that included facebook and just about everyone in the world, including the governor, many entertainers, everyone in her old neighborhood, the FBI, and they were all involved in an evil ring of conspiracy. It can be interesting talking with people as they describe their delusional thoughts, because the listener thinks…yeah that could happen…yeah that is possible, too, then whoa…they have stepped over the line into the realm of the not possible. Another was a very nice young adult with the bad disease of alcoholism. Another was a young adult immersed in the pathology of an overbearing parent to the point of total helplessness. It reinforced my belief that one of the most loving thing we can do for our children is allow them to struggle through some hard times when they are growing up so they can develop some coping skills and self confidence. After all…life isn't that easy.